Last week Roy and I decided to hit up
the new Nordstrom Rack that opened nearby.
Overall I was most impressed with the shoe selection.
I love boots.
Boots. Boots. Boots.
Unfortuantely, however, this wasn't one of my best
boot-shopping endeavors.
But boy, did they have alotta boots.
So I started frantically snatching them up like
I always do when I get excited to shop...
Me grabbing boots=wild cheetah catching last-living gazelle
I lugged my catch to a nearby bench where I started
excitedly trying them on.
Pair # 1) won't zip-up..dangit. Oh, well..they weren't that cute.
Move on.
Pair # 2) won't pull all the way up...crap. Stupid boots. Oh, well.
Pair #3) Won't zip-up....now I'm getting frustrated.
Aaaand repeat that scenario about 15 more times....
The picture you're left with is this...
Me, sweating profusely...stragle-y hair hanging in my face and
sticking to my forehead....
hopping up and down on one leg in these tiny aisles
while muttering profanities and grabbing every boot I
can get my hands on-whether in my size or not.
From elsewhere in the store Roy texted me and
this is how the conversation went down:
Ok..so resorting to violence might have
been a bit extreme...
however, I'm apparently a woman of extremes
(as-in extremely large calves....)
So maybe I'm justified in my anger...
Oh yeah, and thanks a lot babe...for your kind
and reassuring words...
Tree Trunk
nice. love you too.
The moral of this story peeps....
my calves are freakin' huge.
Exhibit A
Notice how the tiny triangle-shaped piece of elastic
at the top is being stretched to capacity??
Would. Not. Pull. On.
Stupid.
Ya know those elastic waisted pants old ladies wear??
Well I need elastic waisted boots.
Exhibit B
I mean, what is this???
This my friends, was how all but 2 pairs
of boots fit me.
2 of about 20 pair I tried to put on.
How can my legs be so much bigger than the average
persons? I mean, surely shoe companies
take some sort of leg-poll when they're deciding
how big to make their boots?
So I did what any modern,
red-blooded American woman would do...
I came home and measured my calves.
15.5 inches.
Sounds reasonable...healthy.
And then I googled
'average female calf circumference'
The common answer seemed to be
13-14 inches.
But wait... theres good news folks!!
Shoe companies are beginning to make
"Plus-sized boots" for women with calf sizes
ranging from 15-23 inches.
Oh yippee!!
I can't wait to go back and ask the
salesman where their "Plus sized" boots are.
I'm sure the selection will be fabulous.
I stand defeated.
Make that....I stand very squarely-firmly-heavily...
defeated.
Hmph.
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