Just been unmotivated to do it.. I had several things that I'd been thinking about blogging...Christmas decorations, Christmas traditions, our appraisal, work, my sisters birthday....
But then, on the 13th, at 3:05am my sweet, wonderful Grammy passed away.
A moment I'd been dreading for as long as I've understood the permanence of death.
And now all I want to do is pour out all this wonderful love that I have for her....My perfectionist self could easily write and re-write this post, but i'm going to try and resist the urge to do so..I'm all too aware that my novice writing ability will barely scratch the surface of who she was.
Or I suppose I could spend hours scanning and uploading a lifetime of pictures to try and show you her beauty, her spirit, her love for family and friends.....but I know that pictures (no matter how treasured) still wouldn't do her justice.
She was someone you just had to experience yourself.
I can pretty much say without a shadow of a doubt that all those who met her, loved her. As I sit here writing this I am straining my memory to try and glimpse even one instance where I saw her angry, or yelling, or speaking poorly of someone.
I can't. I honestly cannot think of one. single. time.
She didn't have the easiest life, but she was none the angrier about it....just continued to be her kind, sweet self despite having experiences some of life's hardest trials.
Oh to even start to list all of the things I love and will remember about her!
How she loved to dance.
Her laugh.
Her sense of humor.
How she hated her straight hair.
Her honesty.
Her tender heart...and her love for animals.
She made the best glazed carrots I've ever had (I could never re-create them no matter how simple she made them sound)
She was the kind of woman who would never let anyone see her without her hair done, nails painted and eyelashes curled (I'm not kidding you..she curled those lashes until they were nubs!!)...but her vanity wasn't carried out in a way that made you want to roll your eyes, but in a sweet, adorable way that made you want to laugh and give her a big hug-cause she was just so dang cute.
Grammy and I had something special.
A bond that formed from years of her watching me during the days while my parents worked. Something that we both understood-but didn't need to say aloud. Something said only with a knowing look.
My Grammy.
People always told us how much we looked alike. And I think I speak for both of us when I say that we loved it....the same way someone might beam on the inside when they're told that they resemble a celebrity. I wanted to look like her. To be like her. Cause she was just that great.
But I still can't help but feel like the memories I have aren't enough.
I want to remember more.
I want to remember every holiday, every family dinner, every long walk, every story, every word of advice ever offered....I want to lock it all away where it won't fade with time.
We love her. We'll miss her. But, like my mom said...we've been missing her for awhile now.
Parkinson's disease took her life, but nothing will ever take our memories with her. And my heart finds peace knowing that she was a believer. She's with Jesus at this very second. Hearing sounds and seeing colors that I can't even begin to imagine. I can't wait until I can join her again someday.
But until then, Grammy, I'll be missing you.
